You approach the enclosed beach from the main road. You notice sand shimmering on the path under the stingy lights which line each side, craning their decaying necks to observe. To the left you see the cliff which wraps itself around a constricted coast, cramping the stretch of sand. You look at the town perched upon the edge guarding against the cruise ships which often sail below.
You reach the patch of grass at the back of the beach trapped between sand and stone. You squat down and squint your eyes. Doing this extends the jetty at the tip of the beach across the horizon to Kilika Straight, the passage of water which ships sneak down to the freedom of the ocean. It felt like your only means of escape until now.
The town had become your home for the last two years, but it was only at this beach where you felt any connection to it. You’d shoot this beach in a movie but the thought of it becoming a tourist attraction triggers a frown. You first met Lisa here, at a karaoke beach party. You used to hate karaoke but that night you sang for hours. She still has that effect on you. She’s helped open your eyes to a plethora of interests. You hope this won’t be the last time you can be here together but she might not give you any choice.
You watch the sun as it slips closer to the sea seeping red, yellow and orange like a nasty wound in the sky. Clouds gather above, papering over the scars. You sit on the sand, just far enough away from the tide as it climbs its way up the shore and clutches at your ankles. The tide jostles, unable to prevent its secrets spilling over the sand.
You notice a hermit crab shuffling its way across the beach, carrying its home like a worn out brown backpack. The crab approaches a marketplace of shells. It scuttles around, pausing at each of them before settling on one with a patterned blend of gold and orange stripes. If your boss were here he would swipe it and hang it in the bar; a supposed compliment to his arty aesthetic. The hermit struggles to free itself from its suffocating shelter. The sea claims the sun and you wrap your arms around your knees feeling the warmth wander from your body.
You shouldn’t have asked her to meet you here, but you couldn’t let her think that something was up. You should have told her earlier but you weren’t even sure until now. Are you sure now? You had to see her here, even if it was the last time.
Hands gently smother the light from your eyes.
“Guess who?” She said.
“Sounds like Obama.” You said.
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.” She said.
You let a laugh sneak out, despite your attempts to contain it.
“Where’ve you been hiding? I hadn’t heard from you in a couple of days and nobody at the bar had seen you.” She asked.
“Sorry. I wasn’t feeling too great. Forgot to call in.”
“Jessie! Call them when you get home, you don’t want to lose your job.”
“Yeah. I will.”
You never lied to her before this, now you can’t seem to stop yourself.
Darkness trickles across the sky. The wind creeps down the back of your t-shirt. She sits down next to you and clings to your arm. Goosebumps crawl up your skin. You are cold. You notice the hermit crab has freed itself from its dingy dungeon and has moved into its new crib, testing out the new surroundings.
“I was thinking; maybe in a couple of weeks we could go for a weekend away in the city like we talked about?” Lisa asked you.
She rests her head on your shoulder. You say nothing.
“Work’s winding down. It shouldn’t be so hard to get time off and it’d be a nice change of scenery, think of all the karaoke bars we could visit.”
That is what you want but you can’t, not after what you’ve done.
“Yeah. Great.” You can’t stop yourself.
“Great. I’ll have a look at hotels when I get home.”
You need to tell her.
“Lisa, I need to tell you something and I’m afraid of what will happen when I do.”
Her grip on your arm loosens.
“W-what is it?”
Her head abandons your shoulder.
“I got offered an internship at a film studio and I’ve decided to take it.”
“I thought you stopped pursuing that dream?”
“I did, or I thought I did. I dunno, I was angry, I’d just moved here and then I met you and I just kind of put the plans on hold.”
She discards your arm.
“You said you were ready to settle into a real job. Was that all just a lie?”
“Were the last two years just a stopgap? Am I just a stopgap?!”
“No! You weren’t. You’re not. I can’t imagine my life without you, Lisa.”
“Liar! Otherwise you’d never have gone for the internship, never mind taken it.”
“You could come with me.”
She rises and you follow.
“I can’t just leave and go with you.”
“Why not? What’s keeping you here?”
“My family is here, my job is here and I like living here.”
The wind whips her blonde, curly hair as you look down at her pleading eyes.
“They’ll always be here, your family and this town. What’s stopping you from moving and working the same job in a different city and building your own life?”
“I’m happy here! You want me to move for your ambitions but you don’t give mine a second thought. How is that fair?”
“I want you in my life but this is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for, that I’ve always wanted. I can’t help but want you both.”
“You can’t have everything.” You hear her voice crack and she turns her back to you.
The tide bursts onto the beach, pushing at you and Lisa but you both remain. You notice the hermit crab has abandoned its new home in favour of wriggling its way back into the apartment it dared to abandon.
“You gave up on that dream when you settled down here; when we got together. You let me believe you were happy and that I was safe. You said we had a future together, now you’re going to throw it away over an internship.”
“You have to choose. The person you can’t imagine being without or the job that you’ve always wanted.”
“Can’t we work something out?” You ask.
She speaks through tears.
“What’s to work out, Jessie? I won’t stand in the way of you if you want to pursue your dreams.”
Is this really your dream? Maybe you are being selfish. She’s right, you have hurt her and lied to her. You hated the thought of that. You think about all the plans for the future she’s suggested, how happy she was, are you ready to give them up? For an internship? Not even a guarantee. What if things went wrong? Maybe you won’t like the city. You might not meet another girl like her.
You watch as the tide destroys the shell market and claims the hermit crab, dragging it back into the depths. The shells scatter across the sand and you notice the shattered remains of the now discarded shell, a faint reminder of the pattern remains. You consider collecting it for your boss.
“It’s you, Lisa. I want you. I love you.”
She faces you again.
“You need to be sure. You can’t flip flop on this.”
“I am sure. I’m happy now, here with you. The thought of losing that happiness terrifies me. I was too busy thinking what might be to stop and realise what is.”
“I love you too.” She said.
Freckles of light heal the sky as they melt through the disintegrating blanket of cloud. Your feet stick in the sand, submerged as the tide tickles your achilles and you shiver. You embrace her and she kisses you.